Scary way my brain jump the tracks

Was going to start this by saying, nothing good to report but, I choose to change that. I have good news and received answers to questions I have had for years and in the end, knowing is better than guessing. This year has been real tough, usually I dole out the hard learning experiences for the entire year, but God it would seem in his infinite wisdom has a whole lot planned for me this year or get it out of the way in the beginning and have a break for the rest. Whatever, it will be what it will be and I can't pick what happens and I can't have all of the good with none of the bad. I totally understand that I have to not only appreciate what the good brings but balance it with the lessons of the hard. I accept that. I always have and this year I am actually not going to try and control my life and every thing around it. Like I was ever in control of any of it in the first place.

This is the year I just go with it and really trust that what I need will be there when I need it. It always have and rarely did it come from where I would think it would. Some of the years of my life I really didn't see any good. At least then, now in hindsight (prefer that too finally old enough and wise enough to know better)I grasp that it had good and I was provided with exactly what I needed when I needed it, maybe not on my time but exactly when it was desperately required. Even the bad taught me so many lessons.

Each trouble and hardship, set back, whatever, it is can be some of the best moments of your life and the answer to unanswered prayers. Each person you meet is brought to you for a reason, whatever that reason will be. It will all end in lessons learned and experiences, experienced. Some years, hell, some days have harder lessons than others, more difficulty than you think you can stand. But yet you do, you deal with it and move on, yourself somehow changed in some simple way or in a huge life altering kind of thing. Whatever it is, it is.

Now back to that news. I ended up in the ER on Friday the 19th (if in Vegas 3:45 am. good time to go, first in, no waiting,just learned a lesson) for my Crohn's. Frankly, I say I have it when asked but I seem to have forgotten the full throttle of hell that Crohn's can be. From my teens until my early 30's I wouldn't have forgotten. I was to busy trying to stand on 2 feet and not pass out from the pain. I remember not eating for weeks because I was so tired of being sick. Everybody so jealous because I was skinny! I always hated when people said that I was too skinny. It was not by choice. I would have loved to be eating what I want and when I wanted to.

Middle 30's until recently, remission, occasional problem. Started seeming like a big deal a couple years ago but just thought I was getting old, weak, couldn't handle the pain because I wasn't use to it. Then last week, wow suddenly remember that the pain I had been having wasn't anything compared to what it can be. I couldn't stand up straight, couldn't think (sorry Kyle I know you had to redo everything I did) and everything I touched was done wrong, which I just don't do. I am great at my job. I know it! I said it! I own it! Same thing had happened the night before but with Kyle's help I managed to work 5 hours before going home and to be going home a second night, never done it before. Time to finally go to the ER, not that I had any choice in that matter, between the pain, Kyle, 2 of my tow drivers, and a husband who only gets scary when he doesn't get his way about me going to a doctor when HE decides that I need it.(He knows my decision is always a big resounding, Not happening, leave me alone or I will be pissy the rest of the day!)

Found out my Crohn's is out of control and my entire colon, aren't I lucky, is inflamed and I have one hell of an infection from the lack of seeing a doctor for 10 years. Least that's what the Dr. and Steve decided. I know it's because I got stupid, ate what I want when I want even though I knew I shouldn't. The good news, I found a Dr. that doesn't believe as all the others I had seen and said that my colon needed to be removed. He doesn't like to jump to surgery. Thank you God! I have decide to go with his recommendations. I am taking the prescribed steroid that I hate and have feared my whole life and I am going to stay on the medicine to keep it in control. He has 6 weeks for the steroid. I won't take it any longer than that. I am committing to making all the appointments I am required to make, take all the tests needed and see what he can do. I am hoping for a miracle but if all I get is a little healthier and more energy, it's worth it.

The only bad thing I can complain about is that the hospital sent me home with pneumonia and I didn't have that when I got there. Been home a day and a half and feel like I am going to live. Yesterday I wasn't to sure. Well I suppose I could bitch that the dog ate the couch but, I won't. I mean really what is a stupid couch compared to a best friend that doesn't ask for much and hasn't been left alone in over 3 years Five days of no one home except to feed you and let you go to the bathroom a couple times, you get freaked out. Wish I would have got home 5 hours earlier so the poor dog wouldn't have to had to eat half a couch with stuffing, staples, and some kind of heavy ass fiber in it. I thought I was sick.

By the way bf, thanks, I hated that couch! You really are the best dog in the world. Now if you would just eat the Chihuahua. Just kidding Carol, I swear I am taking good care of your dog just like I promised I would!