Saying thank you for the small things!

Life has been harsh lately. People I love and care about hurting due to death, lose of a job, divorce and just plain old bad economics. While we are suffering from the $$ issue and both of us have been incredibly sick and in pain lately, I choose to be thankful for the little things.

I am thankful for my co-worker Kyle that knew I was out of reading material and offered me one of his books. It was fantasy, wasn't sure I would even be interested. He brings it to work and what do you know, one of my favorite shows is based on this 13 series of books. The series is Legend of the Seekers. I felt like I had hit the jackpot.

I am thankful that I found my ATM card and it wasn't left behind as I feared it might be. I am thankful that chicken broth was made, since I can't eat for a week or more, it is good stuff to keep me warm and tide me over until I can eat again. I am thankful that while it is a very chilly 40 degrees at night, it is not 40 below.

Mostly I am thankful that I started reading Happiness is an Inside Job again and I am learning many things about Budda. So much so that I want to learn even more and incorporate his teachings into my life.

And finally, after days without the internet, which is tough when you public school your kids from home on the internet, that it is running today and for today that is enough!

Life is ever evolving!

Would love to say that I have been busy being over worked and haven't had any spare time, but that would be a lie. Truth be told, I went back into my shell for a while. Self preservation at it's finest. I have no idea why I do that but fighting like hell to stop it.

My kids are kids. One day they are doing great and the next you would think they were in the mos miserable of lives. They want to be only children, why did we have to have more than one of them and on and on.

They adopted a chicken a few months ago. A real live chicken came to our door every day for a week. I came home to find them outside playing with the chicken and everyone in the house was asleep. I moved the chicken to the backyard, at least I know they are safe back there.

The chicken, Lily, thinks she is a dog. She comes when called. Lives in the dog kennel during bad weather and for sleeping. Pecks at the sliding glass door when she wants attention and jumps in your lap when she wants to be held and loved. Somehow this family always ends up with the strangest pets.

I have come to realize that while I don't like the way people act or the double standards at my work, I do like what I do and I am good at it. Took awhile to adjust to it, especially having so many bosses after not having any but myself and my husband for so many years. It helps my overall mental health to realize this. It's also helped me realize that if this job disappears tomorrow another will come along and I will be fine. It's a really nice feeling to know that no matter what happens, I will be okay.

New school year begins soon!

Wow, where did the summer go? The kids here in our town started school yesterday. My kids, which are public schooled from home don't start until the 31st. In true Tena style I have waited until the last minute to get ready. Oh yeah, I still am not ready. Good thing I have tomorrow and the next day off to get some kind of organization going!

The kids are spending the day at their Aunt's house with their Aunt Terry,Uncle Rabbit, cousins and Grandma. Plan is for them to swim all day and play with the dogs and play board games with Uncle Rabbit. They are all sleeping over and I pick them up tomorrow after my doctors appointment since I will be on that side of town anyway. I hope they are having a blast, kicking off the end of summer having tons of fun. They are extremely lucky to have their Grandma, who spends day in and day out with them and still wanted to take them with her, even though it was suppose to be her day to get away from the house, the kids, and just kick it with her daughter. I hope they appreciate it. I certainly do.

Grandma Carol's 72nd Birthday is Thursday. She wants an ice cream cake from Dairy Queen. Think we can arrange that. She doesn't ask for much. We are all blessed to have her.

Now I am off to bed since I got off work this morning at 7:30 and have to go back tonight at 11:30. Then two glorious days off. Thank you God!

Long night, longer day!

Readjusting your schedule after a lazy summer is hard. Making the kids day people again is even harder. To bad there isn't night school for middle school! Yes my kids are public schooled from home but they do have live lessons online and need to be awake for them. I have to learn how to stay up after getting off work at 7:30 A.M. and keep kids moving so that they will go back to sleeping at night! Wish me luck!!!!

Starting over!

Well the summer is flying by so fast that it's almost time for school again. So we are changing our schedules now so we will be ready for school when it starts. Kids hate it, means they have to actually get out of bed or the couch when I get home from work at 8 in the morning. Since I am gone all night, dad's not home until after 2 in the morning and he is deaf, they are use to staying up until 6 or 7. My plan, to run their little butts ragged until they have to sleep at night.

Unfortunately for me, I can no longer come home and go to bed after work, I have to force myself to stay up until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. So guess we will all be a little ragged for awhile.

This is the first time I have been on the computer in a long time. The last time I was here I just blogged and got off. Today I actually checked my 4 email accounts (does anyone really need that many?) Talk about thousands of emails, mostly junk but some good ones. Course I haven't read them, I will save them for later today or tomorrow. The kids and I are headed out to the park before it gets to hot, which means we should have went last March! Oh well.

Just wanted to let everyone know we are alive, doing okay and gainfully employed. See mom, told you I would write when I found work! LOL

Long nights at work!

Every day I go to work on say a Tuesday, and exactly half and hour later it is Wednesday. I get confused about the day, the date, the time of day, but every day, no matter what, I go outside for my morning cigarette and watch the pink rise from out behind the mountains. I love that time of day and the only reason I get to see it now is because I work graveyard. Irony, weird hours but make my life easier in so many ways. Equilibrium at its finest. There are a few bad things about nights but the good so out ways the bad. I love my job and my morning cigarette and I feel blessed to be witness to the beginning of a new day.

Haven't been blogging much!

Diana sent me this picture of her dad on a night when I was feeling down and lonely and missing my own dad. It was a perfect picture at the perfect time. I am so grateful that Ed loves me and that Diana shares her wonderful father with me. I pray that the Lord keeps Ed busy for many decades to come. We want and need him here for many years to come.

Diana's Enquiring Minds.

Bet she is shocked that I actually responded since she didn't even send it to me. Have I been ignoring my friends or have they been living their life and I have nothing to worry about.

Since she asked so many questions I know why she thought I wouldn't answer. The truth is I am just using this as a way to escape my life and responsibilities a while longer. So thank you queen of Sarcasm!

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
My mother was an Elvis fan and named me after a character in a movie he was in. Then she had to spell it different. Not sure why. Dad wanted Amanda, call me Mandy. Thank you Mom.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I cried a few days ago. Things have been rough with the economy and bills and Steve not working. Then working but not making hardly anything. Poor guy, he tries. Anyway I was overwhelmed with life and work and family and I hadn't slept so it is a great stress reliever and a great sleep aid.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Dislike it very much.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Ham. Preferably from Subway on wheat with tomatoes, black olives, mayonnaise, mustard, and salt and pepper.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
I have been blessed with 4. 3 I brought into the world myself and then a son that was provided to me when I married my husband. Best packaged deal I ever got.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
I would probably compete with myself.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Well lets see, I spent my 20's watching Rosanne and Grace Under Fire. I was already full of it before these shows, imagine myself after wards.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No they were removed when I was a baby. I am lucky not to remember it.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Have already done it, on tape so I can prove it. I would love to do it again.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
I don't actually like cereal but if I have to pick one, I would say Grape Nuts with coffee, sugar and a little milk.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
The only shoes I own with ties are my tennis shoes and no I do not untie them.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Not a big ice cream fan. If I was forced I would pick mint choc. chip.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
If wearing a great smelling scent that is the first thing I notice. Otherwise I will look at the eyes and the smile. I think they say alot about who you are.

15. RED OR PINK?
If forced to pick one I would go with red I guess.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST Favorite THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
My daughter and now daughters complain that I am to loud. I wish I had a volume control button on me. However it does help with my husband sometimes.

17. WHOM DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Alive? My mom
Dead? My father because we will never have the relationship I had hoped for.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
I am out of books at the moment so yea I would love to have something to read and new things to learn.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I am in my pj's.

20. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My daughter, Jessica

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Burn Notice

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
I would have to be purple.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Freshly bathed babies, awesome perfumes and colognes that mix just right with the persons skin.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
I love her like the sister I never had and always will even when we don't see eye to eye.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
I hate to admit that I don't and won't. I barely have time to do anything between work and sleep and doing whatever chore that I can get done, I hardly have time to see my kids. Several days when I go to work I realize I forgot if I had seen my dog. Man I miss my dog.

27. HAIR COLOR?
Funny this ? is on here since I wonder this same thing every day. When I was young it was so dark brown and luxurious that it was almost black. Then in my twenties between the sun and some dye, it was dark brown with reddish highlights. Looked great. Thirties, hair is really gray so I keep it a warm Carmel made my hair brown and almost blonde in some areas. Very nice. Forties, let niece dye hair it turns out orange. Takes forever for me to act on what to do. Finally dye it black. It wasn't awful and I liked it for a while then I dyed it dark brown. Now it is time to dye it because it's coming in gray and I am not ready for gray yet. There is plenty of time later for that.

28. EYE COLOR?
Mostly blue. They can change with my mood.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Absolutely wouldn't survive without them. Am almost blind and hate to wake up not being able to see so I sleep with them. Thank God they are made so much better now days. I would not consider eye surgery though. I am terrified of being blinded by some accident.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Anything I don't have to cook.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I prefer movies that make me laugh so hard I can't believe the movie is over or the kind that make you feel good and let you cry in a good way.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Have started watching lots of movies only to fall asleep in the first quarter of the movie. Can't remember the last one I made it through.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
I am wearing my blue tommy hilfinger pj's

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Can't there be a happy medium?

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Again why must we choose one or the other?

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
It will be a total surprise.

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Dan the Man

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
As mentioned before, I have read every book in the house and haven't made it to the library in months.
40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
Using a laptop so don't have one and can't remember but think it is a white lion on my desk top at home. At work it is a our work logo.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Did I watch tv last night? Can't really remember.

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)?
Children laughing, people being grateful for their blessings, and kind words from one to another.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Both, though the Beatles hold a more special place in my heart.

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Probably Mexico but who knows. Home goes with me as long as my family is with me.

45. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Mckennan Hospital, Sioux Falls, SD

46. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Everyone

47. WEEKEND PLANS?
My weekends are Wednesday and Thursday, so whatever I might have had planed has obviously been blown.

48. DOGS OR CATS?
I think it depends on the circumstance. If you have an apt and are never home, you should have a cat since they are more self sufficient. If you have the room and the time, dogs are great and you can't ask for more loyalty or love than they give.

Happy 4th of July!

Yesterday is a blur. I slept a beautiful full sleep with little interruption. All day and late into the night. Steve woke me at 11:00 but I just didn't want to give up the lovely place that I was residing and refused to rise until 11:20 pm. Only one problem with that, I needed a shower and I needed to leave in less than 20 minutes. Somehow I got it done and even managed to drive Jessica's stick shift, which is a nightmare for me. I readily admit I am spoiled when it comes to cars. Since we have married I have always (with the exception of a 3 month period) had a nice car. Since I am use to a 2006 Honda Accord with all the trimming, including butt warmers,in Vegas, gotta love it on those chilly nights. Now I have to get into a car that I really think the only way you can safely get in and out of that car without coming down with some violently ill disease is to wear a bio suit. And somewhere under the dirt the car is really white in color. Who knows what the heck is up with the windshield, inside and out but thank God that the 2 cats and the man on the bike that I did see until the last second had Angels by their sides and obviously I did too.

Got off at 8 AM. Came home and wanted to stay up so bad but was exhausted by 11 am. Finally fell to sleep a little after 1 pm. Steve woke me with left over steak that he grilled for me last night and then I had no time to eat it.

Last night at work two nice things happened. One I walked in the door to Martin asking me to go to the store. After brief, no ways I finally acquiesced and popped down to the store. What was nice is that Martin brought in hamburgers,brats and buns for the new fork lift driver, to grill. That hamburger was delicious.

Then I told everyone my driving to work story and he took Jessica's car in back and washed it. It was so white that when he told me to go check it, I walked up to the wrong car. Somehow her's looked like a motorcycle had gone up her hood. Very weird. The unfortunate part, it's the inside of the window that is extremely filthy and we couldn't get any Windex to do the inside so I can really see.

Well kids want to do something and since it is my one and only day off until Tuesday so I should go spend some time with them even thought all I really want to do is sleep until tomorrow.

And today is a new day or is it night???

Okay so is it a new day or new night? I am done working. At home, chilling with my dog on the patio and in a few hours I will be asleep. If I were normal I would eat between now and then, since the last time ate was the night before when I woke up to a Hostess Apple Pie handed to me. I was suppose to take it to work since he was bring me fried pork chops with mashed potatoes and gravy. But I wolfed it down before getting out of bed and showering. I wasn't even out of the shower when I was being a bite of mashed potatoes and chops. Was really nice and strangely romantic. Very nice blessing for someone who has been married for 16 years and he can,when he so chooses to still be a very romantic guy.

The rest of the family is sleeping and I am sitting on the patio with the dog blogging. Can hear the birds chirping away and their wings flapping, plus every house surrounding us including our own air conditioning going. Its very nice. So they are going to wake up soon and I will probably feed them breakfast. Well take care of whatever chores that need to be done and then we will lay down in my room and watch one of the movies the girls have recorded, they have the thing full of stuff.

Was a long night at work, busy with paperwork all night. Everyone in a weird mood and it seemed as is seat one was very loud! Felt like there was a boom box going off in your ear. Sat seat 2, wow, thats all I can say for now. Wow!

Today is my boss MP's birthday. She is 11 years younger than I am. H and I went to Walmart because it was the only place open at 7 AM. We made several runs around the store before our very tired and over worked brains where getting. Picking the gift was hard because it was Walmart and we don't know what she likes. Getting the gift was very fun and done with great enthusiasm. We then ran it back to work for MP. It was almost 9 when I got home. I am ready to call it quits and go to bed but the need to be with my family will keep me going until at least 1 pm. Need to see my girls and be with them. Jess is off in Prim with her friend K. Hope they made it to work on time. She won't be home until Sat. I think. Hope she is having fun.

My work friend's mom has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer so I will be praying for both of them and ask that those of you who read this say a prayer for them too. God knows who you are talking about. She is very sweet and I don't want her to lose her mother. I still have mine, Thank You Godd! But I dont have my dad anymore or my Grandfather. She also just lost her Grandmother. I feel her pain.

The sun is really hot and feels so good on my bones I have decided to put my life in the suns hand and sun bath. It will be therapeutic for my aching back and muscles. Besides the dog is starting to burn up so I need to let him in and make sure he has ice in his water so that he will drink it.

LONG TIME NO BLOG!

Been awhile, or at least I think it has. Totally lost touch with the world outside of the walls of my house and job. Just learned that Ed McMahon died on Tuesday. What a wonderful provider of entertainment and helped people off to a sweet sleep for so many years. Not to mention all of the babies that were made during that hour of the night for all those years! Rest in peace Ed.

So life has been its usual roller coaster ride, full of it's downs and half rises and twisty corners, never gonna get off this ride kind of effect left to linger in my spirit. But this morning I sit on my patio with an occasional drip of rain splattering my body and enjoy the slight ringing of the wind chimes and the sweet call of little birds talking back and forth. I am truly appreciating the weather here. This morning I saw lightning for the first time since I moved here and heard thunder. I went outside to smoke and enjoy it and it started to drizzle. Lasted all of 40 seconds but it was awesome.

I am now trying to stay awake so that the switch in my new schedule will improve my life and my families. In order for s to change our lives though we have to learn new habits. First habit that needs improved is our schedule, or should I say lack of one. The only way to manage that is to start new sleeping habits which I am going to try and stick to as much as possible. Maybe with stability we can finally get order and control back of our sad lives. Half the roller coaster ride would be over at least.

My new schedule, I am back to grave yards! I am extremely happy. I can come home, wake the girls u abd take care of breakfast and chores and then enjoy what we have left of the day before I have to go to sleep so that I can be to work at 10:30 pm.and get off at 7 am. Suppose to now have Sunday and Monday off. I like the idea of working on the busier nights but will miss having my Friday nights off but I am just grateful to be back to nights. The way it is now I am awake from 2 in the morning until 7 or 8 and who really feels like cleaning in the middle of the night. I mean if I was single and lived alone I could do that but not with people sleeping in the house and they have to be a work the next day. See I can be respectful!

I was very pleasantly surprised when I opened my mailbox at work(yes we each have our own mailbox with key) and found my pay stub (Direct deposit is so awsome) along with a $50 gift card for Walmart. How cool is that. I received it because we have to take these tests every other week or so and drop them in the big black mailbox for quiz answers and then management pulls someone's name out for getting 100% on the quiz. See I can be smart!

Diana reminded me several days ago that I never said how King was doing after he was sick. I do apologize for this oversite. I know there our people out there that love my dear sweet King more than they ever liked me and I understand, he's just that great of a dog. I am grateful to report that is he doing just fine. His anal glands where extremely swollen and once that was taken care of, he was his old self. I have also found out that a certain elderly woman in my home whom shall remain nameless (Mom) was giving him milk, which always makes him sick. No milk and he's healthy as a horse, eats everything in sight and has actually gained 4 lbs putting him at a respectful 73 lbs. We can thank Carol for that too. He actually needs it though.

He took anti-inflammatory medicine for a week and has been happy ever since. Little turkey is still my dog but he has started acting like he likes everyone else (including Steve) more than me. Carol says he cries the whole time I am gone and when I am asleep because I shut my door and he can't get to me. But when I am home he only gives me limited one on one time. Funny the girls are in the same stage as the dog, with the exception of Jess. We could spend a lot of time together if we ever had it. We will have Sundays together so that is another benefit of my new schedule. Thank you MP! You are a great boss!

This is a hard time of year for me!

June, 18th! Wow where is the time going? I can't keep up. Gabby is now 11. A great big heart thumping sadness hits me full on as I watch the child I really never expected to have and she isn't a baby anymore! She is as smart, mischievous as I ever was and plus she has Chey's help. It's thoroughly amazing to see how they think and to imgagine them compared to me when I was their age. Then to top it off I have 4 children spread out in ages from 27 to 11. I remember back when I always felt like I would have a baby in my life because I couldn't see myself without one. Now the thought of having one full time in my life is just plain crazy and scarier than shit. It would definitly be a big test to my belief of "prolife" not "prochoice". Thank God I will never have to make that choice because Steve and I have taken "proactive" measures to make sure we won't have to face that particular challenge. We are getting to an age where raising babies in not in our agenda at all. We can't get enough sleep as it is.
Today was a nice change of pace. I didn't fall asleep until at least 9 am. I didn't wake up for good until after 5:30pm. When I woke, the back yard had been mowed and cleaned up. He had gone to the video store. And he made dinner, spagetti and it was awesome. First time we have sat down as a family in a month probably. Yesterday for Gabby's birthday we went to Tommy's and Jess met us there and we went swimming and in the hot tub. Playing with Emily was amazingly fun but I was so tired and grateful that I didn't have to deal with a 15 month year old every day, all day. Or worse yet, 2 of them all over again. Fun the first time but to old to even consider it again.
Still incredibly tired and will probably sleep well tonight. Tomorrow I will have tons of things to accomplish before work starts all over for the week. Wonder what the new week will bring and pray that it is great for ever one in the company. Lord help me do a good job. Help improve my rusty skills and memory. Allow the creative side of myself to open up. I will pay attention and take action and thank my higher power for being faithful as he always is.

give it a day and it all changes!

These past few days have been a roller coast. One problem, solve it and then another pops up from out of nowhere. I was having a hard time staying positive but as the wind of change comes through, there goes my moodiness and glass is half empty persona and I am back. Ready for all challenges that come my way, including the moody husband!

This month's trip sheet brings all kinds of things to do!

Every month Steve gets a magazine just for cab drivers, taxi drivers and shuttle bus drivers. Every month there are a least 2 or 3 shows that are giving these people free tickets so that they will talk their shows up to the people riding in their vehicles.

This month is really a hot month as far as shows. We have Phantom of the Opera tickets, The Lion King Tickets, more George Wallace, Some show we go to tonight that I don't even know the name of and tickets to a female dancing show. Topless of course. There is also a few other coupons that are half priced or buy one get one free. There is a benefit to having a T.A. card. You get some culture in your life. Who knew?

My new phone!

Not a great picture. At least not one worthy enough for the phone but it's the last picture my old phone will ever take. I will miss the old phone, but probably not for very long since the new one is way cool!!!

Life is still tingling!

I am still tingling. Feels like I am still on my date. How awesome, 43 years of age and 16 years of marriage and I feel like a newlywed. I can't even begin to tell you how I feel at the moment. A new human being, newly married or dating. No problems from the past, no fears about the future, just the awesome here and now. At least until work tonight.

Getting use to this laptop is a trip. Happy to have it picked out and brought home. Now for the fun of figuring it out. Life is AWESOME!

How we celebrated my birthday!

It was so awesome. Life was very very nice. First we went and saw old friends, then we went to the Flamingo Buffet. Wow, was that food awesome. I ate about 7 deserts. Everything was so terrific tasting, wonderful delicious fresh salad with lots of choices. Exellent seafood bar if you like crab legs, shrimp, and salmon. Mashed potatoes and gravy that taste home made. Prime rib, beef, 3 kinds of chicken. All delicious and full of flavor.

The date continued on with George Wallach concert. He was hilarious. Very good show. We headed to the room after and had the romance of a life time. Wonderful beautiful night.

Today I got my laptop. I like it. I can't wait to program my MP3 player. So tired from my wonderful date. Not only did I get my laptop but I also bought my first pair of flopies. They are purple and have Las Vegas written on them. They are kinda cute.

Steve dropped me at home and he is off playing poker. I pray he wins. Could use the money. Today he tells me that a woman who rode his bus last week prostitioned him to make love all night long. I am not surprised. Just thrilled I have a great husband that wouldn't even consider it.

It's really mind blowing that 16 years later and last night seemed like a second date. It was beyond believe. I am teh princess and I am so blessed.

Yes today is my Birthday!

Working nights really sucks on your birthday. You work the morning of your birthday and then you go back to work on your birthday, even if it's only for a half hour! I'm just saying, you shouldn't have to work twice in one birthday! Did get good news at work. Us grave yard folks get to park our cars in back, behind the locked gate. So no angry customers can hurt them anymore. Aren't we special???

Well hell, I know I am special and I am not talking special ed either! I am the only me there is and that is special in itself. No matter that sometimes, like now, I want to delete myself from this blog and curl up in a ball and not come out of it. Tomorrow I will feel better and it will all go away. Or one can hope. Someone please get me a positive, get the spirit moving book I can read. That will kick my butt out of this mood I am in.

How do you figure out what new phone to get?

Just spent almost two hours on the phone with my mom trying to help her decide what new cell phone to get. She had made up her mind before I called and I had made up my mind which one I wanted in July. Now after 2 hours we are both flustered and more confused (if possible) than before. Oh I love my mom and our baffling decisions that we can't quite commit to.

It maybe your Thurs. but it's my Friday!!!!

Oh how I love it when my Friday gets here. I know it's your Thursday but for me, I have 2 days off and I am going to enjoy them. Don't know what I am doing and don't care. Don't have any date night plans this week, which could be a bummer but at least I don't have to wear high heels and get more blisters!!! Course I guess we could go bowling and then I could wear bowling shoes!! LOL

Life is good! Went to work last night terrified there was something horribly wrong with my baby, King. Took him to the vet @ 7:30 this morning and he got his shots and his annal glands squeezed! He was a stinky boy after that but boy was he happy! Still is! We think he will be okay for now but if he isn't better in a week he goes back for x-rays and blood tests. Praying he doesn't need to go back. True I can't afford it but more importantly, he is a very important part of my family and I wouldn't handle it well if he was sick. He is only 8 years old. He hopefully has a few good years left in him.

My husband went to quit his job a couple of days ago because he wasn't making any money on the new bus route they gave him. They had told him he would make good money and he had to do it for a month before he could opt out of it. He worked two days and made less than I do in 7 hours. He works 12 hour shifts. Wasn't happy. So when they told him he couldn't opt out he told them he was quitting. Next thing he knew he was on the phone with the VP (his dad owns the company) and he was given a raise, given back his old assignment and the VP gave the dispatcher that makes my husband's life hell, a good what for. My poor husband felt guilty all day because it turns out that the VP's dad died and his funeral was that day. So I am sending up good thought's to the VP and his family for their lose and his ability to be an awesome boss even on a really bad day.

Well gotta run, have to spend my paycheck, what is left of it after the vet bill for my baby. The cable company here is ridiculous and won't even give me a one day extension and I can't lose my internet service. Carol wouldn't survive if we lost the cable. Frankly the phone I wouldn't care if they shut if off for good!

Last night's date was totally awesome!

We didn't have to rush. Got there early. The show was great! Dinner after was even better. And spending the night in the same bed at the same time with my hubby was cool, even if it was just to sleep! Sometimes working opposite shifts can really suck! But that may change as I may be moving to days! Will find out sometime next week. I really like working nights so I don't really want to go but whatever happens I will just be grateful to have a job!

Going on a date!!!

Blue Man Group tonight! Can't wait! A night with the hubby, can't beat it!

The world is full of crazy people!

I went to work last night, in a good mood, cause it's my friday!!! Works been slow this month, I guess May is always a slow month. Get lots of reading done, which is fine by me. Get paid to read, how cool is that? Tonight my first call is a man who seems very rational, calm, sincere and friendly even. His first words where, "Finally a human voice". Since I have called into my work many times, I know what a relief it can be to finally get that human voice. (God I hate computers answering phones!)

His second comment was politely asking me the time, which I told him it was 11:55pm. I forgot our clocks are 5 minutes fast. He said I was close, it was 11:50. I am thinking, why did you ask if you already knew? He then precedes to tell me in the calmest manner possible with no swear words or expressions of anger that Homeland Security will be descending on my company in 11 hours. He just wanted to let me know so that an innocent such as myself wouldn't get caught up in what was going to happen. He preceded to tell me that we needed to warn our drivers to stay off of private property or they would be taken out, and wouldn't that be a shame for their family and friends. He through in several alphabet agencies that were going to be shutting us down today, none of which made sense, like D.O.T or NTA, would have. He also said I had his name and number on caller ID and he knew that I knew who he was. Problem is, only his name came up on caller ID, so now our tech department has to try and trace the call. On a multi-line phone you really can't star 69 it.

After I told him I was transferring him to my boss he hung up. I am really use to phone calls making threats of all kinds. They are going to sue us, hurt us, hurt or equipment, our reputation and even a few threats on our lives. Those people all had one thing in common, they were angry and taking their anger out on me. I knew that none of those threats were something to be alarmed about. But the call last night, so calm, so rational had me concerned. Then when a SUV parked in our parking lot and it shouldn't have been there and no one was around I really started to worry. I suggested that even though I work for a towing company that we have our competitor come and tow it away. It was gone about 5 hours later. None of us saw it come in or go out.

I am happy to report that none of our drivers had any problems last night. The 11 hours are up soon and I am praying nothing happens. I am sure it won't. I am also praying that the person who called last night gets some mental help or something better to do with his time, because he needs it.

What a weird night!

Tomorrow is my Friday!

Can't wait. Tomorrow night we go see Blue Man Group! How cool is that? Still trying to decide if we should get tickets to Styx and Reo Speedwagon. I would love to but they aren't free and we do get to see two free shows a month. Plus Steve has to work and I don't think Jess would really dig their music.

More words to ponder!

And though home is a name,
a word, it is a strong one;
stronger than magician ever
spoke, or spirit ever answered to,
in the strongest conjuration.
---Charles Dickens

My Mother's Day!

I sent this to my Mom for Mother's Day. I didn't want her to think I had forgot her, since her card was in the backseat of my card, still unmailed. I wanted something beautiful and alive. Something that would keep on living, so she would see it and think of me. I prayed that I would find a florist I could afford and one that could deliver the "right" plant for the "right" price on Mother's Day! Took a couple hours but the place I called did a beautiful job and it wasn't near as expensive as I feared. My mom sent me a picture text so I could share in her joy. I appreciate it so much, now I know I got what I ordered and she got something beautiful that will live on for a long time in her loving hands.

PS. Your Mother's Day Card got mailed at 3:30 Tuesday morning! So you will get it by this Sunday I hope!

My bushy back yard!

I wish this picture could show the true beauty of this bush with its amazing blossoms. It is very peaceful to sit in the backyard and just look at this bush and listen to the wind chimes. Its a nice place to be.

My pondering thoughts of the day!

What did Henry David Thoreau mean exactly when he wrote:

The past cannot be presented;
we cannot know what we are not.
But one veil hangs over the past,
present, and future.


I get it but I don't!

It's all Diana's fault!

Reading her blogs, her first one she is tagged to take a picture and post it of herself and tag some others. I breathe a deep sigh of relief when I am not one of them. I even send her a thank you comment. Go on to the next blog only to be ordered to post a picture of me. Well I took it, in my pj's, after working all night, sitting in a hot house with no air, after finding out about Grandma Bunny and not being able to get my kids awake. So you get what you ask for. Man I could blame it on the camera and the lighting and the fact I took it myself but I just ain't looking to hot today or I am looking way to hot but not in a good way!

Boy it is hot!!!

Today is my Friday!! That is always great! What isn't great is that the air conditioner is broke and the temp is already 90 degrees and since it was well over 100 yesterday I don't hold out much hope that it will be cooler than that today! However, the air conditioner people are suppose to call me in a couple hours and hopefully they will show up today and fix the freaking thing.

Luckily for me, it's Tommy's day off too and he has a swimming pool so we will head over there soon. I can swim and get a tan and maybe take a nap. I maybe asking for to much but I will take what I can get.

Tonight, hubby and I are going on a real date. Been awhile since we have had a real date that involved dressing up, dinner in a nice place and we are going to see Jersey Boys. That's the upside of being a limo driver, you get free tickets to see the shows so you can tell your customers about them. Next week, it's Blue Man Group. I can't wait.

Jessica had Cher tickets for Wednesday night and never told me. Course she isn't into Cher, but I am. She thought I would call in sick to work so she didn't give them to me. She is such a brat. I don't go to work until 11:30 PM. The show would have been over by then. She has promised to try and get more tickets, I am praying she can. I am also praying that I get to go see Styx perform with REO Speedwagon. Styx was the first concert my mother let me go to in good ole S.F. They were awesome and I always loved REO. Those won't be free but they are really cheap.

What do you know, I am finally having some fun in Vegas. Life is great!!!

The vampire in me returns.

I am really starting to get use to this night gig. I came home this morning and the sun was almost hurting me. I always knew I was a creature of the dark!! Off to work I go!!

Leap Tests

Well the kids took their post leap tests yesterday. After their pretest back in the spring I was a little nervous, neither did real well on the math. Gabby did really good in reading and Chey did okay. This time around, Chey did great in both, kicked the reading tests butt! The math test she did was hard but she did well. Gabby kicked butt in both areas. However, she wasn't to happy with me. I printed out two tests for each of them. Unfortunately for Gabby I didn't realize I printed the 6th grade test for her instead of the 5th grade test, so she had to take them twice. Thank God she is such a forgiving, loving, generous child or she still wouldn't be speaking to me.

Today we are back to regular lessons and have lots to catch up on since my hours and days off keep changing. I think we will get this routine down. It will just take time. The kids have become night owls and I just want to come home and sleep. However, school first so they have to get up and when they are done I can go to bed!! I can't wait!

ABC Meme

I stole this off of my friend's blog and thought I would give it a try and I love the message. Thank you Diana

A - Age: I have exactly 29 more days to say I am 42. God I love 42 and I am sure I will love 43 as well.


B - Bed size: King but the dh, the baby girl and the dog name King hog it!

C - Chore you hate:
Yes, I hate chores. Good answer Diana, I am sticking with yours.

D - Dog's name: King, Kingston, Kinger, King-a-ling, he will answer to all.


E - Essential start-your-day item: taking that first drink of Dr. Pepper

F - Favorite color: blue, purple, and black, I can't pick one, the others would get jealous

G - Gold or Silver: Gold

H - Height: 5'3 1/2 don't forget the 1/2
I - Instruments you play(ed): Violin and piano, although I can't remember how to play either

J- Job title: Dispatcher is what I do to pay the bills, learning coach to my 2 beautiful daughters, cook, laundress, landscaper, taxi driver and I am sure there are more.

K - Kid(s): Joe, 27, Jess, 22, Cheyenne, almost 13, Gabrielle, almost eleven

L - Living arrangements: With great husband, my 3 girls, my mother-in-law, our dogs, King and Tanner, and the gerbils, Suki and Kari

M - Mom's name: Judy

N - Nicknames: Mom, mother, Gorgous (from my dh), T-2

O - Ocean that I would love to see again.

P - Pet Peeve: Someone leaving my spotless kitchen dirty, 20 minutes after I made it spotless.

Q - Quote from a movie: "It's Good!" Bruce Almighty

R - Right or left handed: Right

S - Siblings: None, whether this is a blessing or depressing is a ?

T - Time you wake up:That's up in the air right now since I am just starting working nights and haven't figured out how to sleep in the day yet.

U- Underwear: only under skirts or dresses

V-Vegetable you dislike: Sweet potatoes

W - Ways you run late: Forget that need gas in the car

X - X-rays you've had: pretty much my whole entire body

Y - Yummy food you make: I like food other people make better. My dh would say sausage omelet, my little ones would say pork chops, and the oldest would say steak on the grill.

Z - Zoo favorite: Memories of when the girls where little and we would go with Amelia, Hannah and Hayden. My favorite picture of them are the 4 girls at the zoo. They were gorgeous and bright and funny and anything was still possible at that point.

The world is always changing, does anything stay the same?

It was my second night of working grave yard. I can't believe that I haven't had any real sleep in 2 days. I mean when I worked days I had no problem sleeping during the day, now that I need too, huh, it's not happening. Go figure!

Got to work last night and my co-worker, who shared my name, no longer works there. She quit a half hour before she was suppose to come to work. I wish her well. I know my neck will be in much better shape since I will no longer be wrenching my head in every direction every time I hear my name or hers. It will be much less confusing for everyone involved and I won't have to live with the nickname, T-2! Dodged a bullet there. Oh yeah, the new really cool coffee, hot coco and whatever else machine that was new when I went to work on Sat. night (it didn't work) is already gone too. I was looking forward to that hot coco. But on the bright side, I won't be gaining any weight from it.

I actually really like working nights. It's been a long time since I was outside at night when everyone else is sleeping and I am hard at work. Driving home in the morning to a sleeping household is different when it is daylight. I actually took a 2 hour nap before waking kids for school today. They are hard at it and I am on my way to check their completed work before it gets turned in. This just might be the best thing that has ever happened for us.

First shift working graveyard!

After all the years of not being able to sleep at night and then the last few months of not being able to stay awake past 11 pm I was a little worried my night owl had abandoned me. Now it seems my day owl has abandoned me. I did fine last night. Stayed awake for the whole shift. Talked to a bunch of drunk people. Laughed a lot, did lots of paperwork without to many mistakes and came home ready to go to bed. But my owl has different plans for me. They don't seem to include sleep. It is now 2pm and I have to be at work at 10:30pm. I need some sleep or tonight I might not make it without a few major screw ups.

You would be (or maybe you wouldn't be) totally baffled by the people that you deal with in the towing industry at night. One guy called and needed a tow, but he didn't know where he was. If he didn't know, how were we suppose to know? Then there was the lady that came to Vegas for vacation and got a DUI on her way to town and spent her whole vacation in jail. She came for her car at 2 am only to find out it was at a different yard but had to be paid for at our yard. Then the cab took her to the other yard and her car is not drive able. She kept screaming we wrecked her car. Wow, she must have been drunk not to realize she took her little sports car off road and did a 360 with it. $200 in cab fare and a tow bill of $500 and she was no closer to getting back home. Man, will people ever learn it doesn't pay to get drunk and drive?

I almost can't wait for tonight's adventures. I am sure they will be good. I am just glad that we don't unlock the door and they only have a tiny window with bars on it to yell at us through. It is mighty good entertainment though. Well I am off, hopefully to sleep. If not maybe I can pretend to and it will happen anyway. :)

I've been working out!

My usual routine in working out is this; I work out one day. The next I hurt so bad I don't work out thinking that I need a day to rest and I will pick it up the day after. In other words, I will work out every other day. Never happens for more than two work outs and more than likely, only one.

I have decided to seriously get in shape. I weigh 30 pounds more than my normal weight (which was way to skinny) but I like to look thin. Right now I look healthy but chunky. I don't want the chunks. I decided I don't care if I lose any weight as long as all the weight on me is muscle. So I have worked out every day this week. 5 days in a row. I hurt everywhere. I try to make excuses not to work out. My husband gets all snotty and tells me that I should only work out every other day. I tell him that it doesn't work for me and besides if movie stars can work out 5 or 6 hours a day to get buff for a role, I can work out an hour a day for myself.

After my work out yesterday and today, I pulled weeds. I thought I was going to break in half. Bending down the proper way was out of the question. My thighs are killing me. But I did manage to hold in my gut and tighten all my muscles while I was pulling the weeds. Yesterday I was able to pick all the weeds up and put them in the trash. Today, they are still in two piles in the back yard as I was unable to bend anymore.

Does this mean I won't work out tomorrow? Hell no, I am suppose to go on a six mile hike but I may pass that up for cleaning the house and working out on that Total Gym, that Steve swore would just gather dust and hold clothes. BTW when it is holding clothes, their not mine, their his. I love my Total Gym. I plan on turning 43 next month in the best shape I have ever been in. My gift to me. Just cause I am getting older doesn't mean I have to give up having a nice bod!!!!!

Children with different taste in art!

This is Cheyenne's master piece. She drew it free hand. She spends almost half of her down time drawing. She has always been good but she just keeps getting better and better. I couldn't figure out where she got her artistic talent from since I can barely draw a straight line and her dad can only draw Fred Flinstone. I found out from my mom that my Uncle Chuck had tremendous artistic talent. I knew he could build a house and do so beautifully but I didn't know that he was an actual draw picture kind of artist. The things you find out after a person has passed on to the other side. I wish I could have seen some of his work. Of course I saw the houses he built and he was a true artist there. I praying Chey will keep her drawing and her interest in learning about drawing up. I am really jealous because I always wanted to be able to draw.
Then there is my son Joe. He loves to have "art" drawn on to his body. This is his latest addition to his many tat's. I sometimes wonder if he knows the meaning of the word Karma and just how real and important it is. I am glad he chose this one over the one he was going to get which was,"you hate me" written in German. Here is another example of a great artist. When he was young he could draw anything and it was truly amazing. I always prayed he would continue the work but he felt the only thing he was good enough for was comic books. I know he was better than that but even if he just settled for comic books it would be a better job choice than taxi driver. I haven't seen my boy in 4 months. I miss him. Piercings and tat's and attitude and all. I wish I could hug my boy.

New work hours!

Well ask and you shall get an answer. I was wondering what my hours would be at work once I was trained. Last night my boss called and I answered rather depressed because I thought she was going to tell me I had to work today but instead she gave me my new schedule. 11 pm to 7:30 am. Guess I will have to find the night owl in me that I somehow got rid of just a few months ago but I am actually thrilled because I won't miss time with my kids and I will be there all day to be their learning coach. Plus in 6 weeks they are out of school and we can do things during the day and I can sleep in the evening. Life is good!

What a little me time can do for your attitude!

Not a great picture but then I never think I take great pictures but the picture itself isn't what is important. What is important is that I took a little me time in between working, running people here and there, being a school teacher, a mom, a daughter- in-law, a housekeeper, an accountant, and the list goes endlessly on and I did something for myself. I went and got my hair cut which I haven't done in at least 6 months and it needed it so bad. I finally have hair that is basically all the same color, no orange! And it is cut in a way that I won't have a lot of upkeep. I hate the curling and blow drying stuff so this cut, while curled in this picture, will suit my shower, wash hair, comb hair and go life style. Not only did I get my hair done but I stopped at the library and picked up a couple of books. James Patterson's Alex Cross series and a new Stephanie Plum book. My day has been uplifted completely. Now it is time to go play school teacher and then chef and then house cleaner and then if I don't fall asleep, I can actually read!!!!!!

Why is it a constant battle?

I've worked hard all my life to be a better person. Now when I was younger I wasn't working really hard to be enlightened or spiritual or less angry. I was working on being a good moral person with priorities in order, kids first, everything else after.

In the last decade I have worked on losing my anger and in the last five years I have worked really hard on becoming a more positive person. I have made major changes in both these areas and I am extremely proud of myself. I have also become more spiritual and by being more spiritual I am more in touch with my true authentic self.

I go long periods where there is nothing, no matter how big or small it is that can depress me or make me think that the glass is half empty. Then BOOM out of nowhere the slightest thing sends me reeling trying to find my center, my peace, my calm. My question is this...." Does it ever go away or are we always being tested? And if we are, does this mean I am failing or does it mean that I see things more clearly and still need to learn how to find my center?"

If anyone knows, please help. I will be open and interested in all ideas.

PS. I can still be thankful for my life and still be grateful I have healthy kids, and a wonderful husband and a terrific mom and a mother-in-law that I actually like, but sometimes I have to really kick it in to my head that my life is not bad, it's just a roller coaster ride.

Have you ever walked in another's shoes?

Today something happened that I can't explain for reasons that I can't explain but what I can say is that I met someone today and I have walked 10 years in her shoes. I am no longer wearing those shoes and am thrilled I am not but felt horrible that I couldn't do anything to help this person that was still stuck in her shoes. I, knowing there are consequences couldn't sit back and do nothing so I offered the branch of help. Hopefully it won't bite me in the butt. I want to send a prayer to God to help her feel his strength and know that he will help carry her through. He was always there for me, even when I wasn't the most willing or responsive or appreciative. He is a very loyal God.

Positive vibes sent out to the universe!

Lord as I go to sleep tonight, let me have pleasant dreams and maybe even a visit from my guardian angel letting me know I am on the right path in my life. As I leave for work tomorrow, may my spirit guides surround me and all the other people on the road and keep us safe. As I learn my new job, may my work angel help me soak in all the new knowledge I have to learn. When I am away from home, Lord will you and the angels that keep watch over my children keep them safe, help them feel loved and secure, and help them know that their parents miss them while they are gone. Watch over Steve on his motorcycle and keep him safe, not only on his way to and from work but while he is driving his limo also. Help us both to keep this thought in the forefront of our mind, "We are calm, positive, and kind beings and because of this we will be brought to calm, positive and kind beings." Let us be wise without being judgmental, help us be grateful for the good and the bad, for they each teach us lessons, and most important help us keep our priorities in order. You are an awesome God and through you all things really are possible.

Aparently all days can't start out as good ones!

But I have the power to change that, right? No I am not really asking the question, even though it looks and sounds like I am. I know that this to shall pass and in the major scheme of things, today's rough start is sooooo minor. Nobody likes to wake up to fighting children on your last day off from work, especially, when you know that they know, if they get their schoolwork done and their chores completed, they are going swimming with mom, cousin Tommy and cousin Emily and as a bonus get to see cousin Cari and get haircuts! So I must sit and relax and breath in and out that
1). I am grateful to have two healthy brats. (oops I meant children).
2) It is my last day off and I start back on 12 hours shift so won't see much of them for the next 4 days.
3) This change in our schedule has not only been hard on me and dad, it's been extemely hard on them, since they are used to having 1 or both parents around always and now we both work 12 or more hours a day.
4) Time is constantly running and soon they will be adults and fly like birdies out the door and on with their life so I should appreciate everything about them at this stage in their lives
5) This to shall pass.
6) So many people have so many bigger problems than I.
7) I am a fully aware and conscious human being and can and will change my attitude because I chose to be happy. (First I may need to be fully awake though)

Or maybe not, I feel better already and I may find the joy just around the corner.

Learning how to fulfill my spirituality!

Any one who knows me, knows that I am a reader. I usually have 3 books going at a time. Usually one or two are a James Patterson or Robert Parker book, or some other book that involves crime and intrigue. Then I will have a self help book going or a spiritual book that I can't keep my nose out of. Right now I am reading the President's book, The Audacity of Hope and Ask Your Guides, Connecting to Your Divine Support System. I just finished an awesome book by a Christian writer, it was a novel, This Side of Heaven. Was a very good book.

However, if I had to chose one that I am learning and loving the most it would have to be the Ask Your Guides. I have learned so much and just had somethings reaffirmed in my mind, that was once there but buried deep and needed that nudge.

Yesterday I read an awesome pray in the chapter called Healing Guides. With my mother, home now from not having a heart attack, just a bad case of gas in her chest (a big thank you to all that prayed for her) this just soaked into my brain.

Divine Mother God, Father God, and all healing forces of the Universe,
restore me to balance in body, mind, and spirit.
Remove everything from my consciousness and body
that isn't in perfect alignment with your loving plan for me.
I give my full permission and cooperaion to all healing forces of
Divine and loving nature to serve my well being.
Amen

Today I was reading the chapter on Joy Guides. There was a lot to be said about how joy guides work. How children especially babies can easily see them and respond with a chortle or a giggle. How when we are working to hard and haven't had any joy our joy guides will send our children or pets in to us begging us to play with them even if it is a bad time for us and how if we give in and follow our joy, life around us and for us is more joyful.

The part that really hit home for me was when I read the following: Joy guides also love to hide jewelry, shoes, your wallet, purse the report you have been working on, library books, your bathing suit (read this an hour after buying Gabby a new one because she can't find hers and we are going swimming Wedsnesday) and your cell phone-anything to get you out fo being on autopilot and bring you back into the moment. If you listen carefuuly, you can hear them giggling as they watch you race around like a chicken with its head cut off in these moments.

It goes on to say that we can save ourselves time and stress if we just give in and acknowledge the joy guides and go along with the joke. Just say, "Okay, I get it. I need t olighten up. Thanks for reminding me." If you do, the missing items will magically reappear. Being eternal children they like to play hide and seek. I especially liked the part about finding your glasses on your head, the paper you need in your hand and your car keys right in front of you. Just yesterday I was running a little late, in a hurry to get to work and I had my hands full. Couldn't find my car keys. Set everything down, went looking. Couldn't find them. As I walked back up to the stuff I set down, I saw them sitting there. I had apparently been holding them and set them down to go look for them. I had a good chuckle before I went to work.

Listen to your spirit guides takes work and trust and pratice but in the end it is so worth it and I am worthy of it.

Please pray for my mom!

So many years we wasted being angry with one another. Yes we had legitimate issues that we needed to work through but instead we went 9 years without speaking. It took the death of a loved one to make us forge our way to a trusting, loving relationship. I was so excited when we started speaking again that I even put the ringtone, Yo Answer the Phone It's Your Mama Calling, just because it had been so many long lonely years with no mother insight and I am sure it was just as long and lonely for her with no daughter or son-in-law, or grandkids in sight.

So now I have her back and we are falling into a really nice pattern of communication and sharing and love and guidance and support. Today she called and asked if it was a bad time and I answered that I was right in the middle of eating. She said to call me later. After I hung up I realized her tone wasn't quite right, something was wrong. I quickly finished eating and called her back. The first words out of her mouth shocked me. "I am in the hospital, they think I had a heart attack." They are keeping her over night and doing several test tomorrow. Pray as I will be doing that she will be all right and this was just a little warning to take better care of herself. I would truly appreciate it.

Our Dogs! Our best friends!

This is Tannen. He is Grandma Carol's best friend and is by her side always. His second favorite person is Gabby. From the way he carries on you would think he was as big as the German Shepard. While he may be small he is mighty in spirit.
My friend, King. How I love this dog! He would give his life for everyone of us in this family. He is starting to age. Getting up and down on some days hurts him. I pray every day that God keeps his pain away and keeps him healthy so he can live another 8 years. He is the coolest dog on earth.

Self Potrait

This is Cheyenne's Christmas Gerbil Suki. She is not as calm as Gabby's but she is still a neat little creature who is very fortunate to have Chey as her owner as she is an amazingly responsible pet owner.
This is Karai, Gabby's Christmas present that picked her out. Gabby put her hand in the cage and waited for the one that came to her. Karai leaped into her palm and is still coming to her every time she calls her name. Who knew that gerbils could be trained? Gabby did!
My last day off for the week and I am so blessed to be spending it with these 2 wild and wacky children. We are going to rush through their school work, which I just found out yesterday they are a month a head of the program and lessons will have to be made up for them to fulfill the rest of the school year. Today Chey asked if we can't do school on the web next year will you home school us? Since there is no danger of them not being able to be public schooled from home on the internet she can relax. They have taken remarkable responsibility this year for their work and worked hard. Since I had to go out and find a job I thought that with me gone, they would start slipping but they have surpassed even my wildest dreams. God is so good. He gave me these amazing beings to be my children, for me to love and mold into responsible, loving, generous human beings and yet I find that I learn more from them than they learn from me.

Amazing Friends and proof that the Universe does provide!!!

We have been wondering how the universe was going to provide us with a 3rd form of transportation. I know we are blessed already because we have 2 cars but when you have 3 adults working 3 different sets of hours that don't correspond you face difficulties. We were making the best of it. Jess would leave early drop me at work on time and then I would wait an hour and a half after I was off for her to pick me up. After a long day, this is not what you want to do and yes, I do realize that we have to do many things that we do not have to do. My biggest concern was that I was not only losing out on spending time with my children while I was working but another hour of waiting that could be better spent with my children. I miss them terribly and they miss me and since they are public schooled from home that was one more hour I wasn't there to help them.
Needless to say I was getting antsy about the whole situation. However the universal provided as it always does! Our great friend Gary has a motorcycle that he wants to sell. He knew Steve wanted it but couldn't afford it at the moment. Gary being the wonderful kind human being and terrific friend that he is put the bike on a transporter and it arrived here on Monday. Steve now has transportation to work on a motorcycle which he has wanted for the last 16 years. Jess is buying her car back from us giving us the much needed extra cash to pay our bills and she is covered for transportation. I get my car back and I will no longer have to leave early or wait for a ride again. My kids will get an extra hour or two with me a day!
Thank you Universe!!! Thank you God!!!! Thank you Gary!!!! Life is wonderful even when running full tilt on a roller coaster road.

The Audacity of Hope!

Just started reading this book last week. It's author is our president. It is a good book and I am learning a lot, especially new vocabulary! :D It's also made me think about life in general and the people that have hope and the people that don't. I feel for the people that have none. I feel these people are just getting by day by day waiting to die, nothing to look forward to. I realize that I was once one of these people. That if you told me that there was hope, I wouldn't believe you.

I am glad that even though it took me into my 4oth decade I am able to turn this around. I do have hope and I expect that hope to bear fruit and provide me with a bounty of pleasure. My thoughts on the things I use to hope for and what I hope for now are very different. Before they were materialistic, immature, and selfish hopes and dreams (when I allowed myself to have them). Now though they are more mature, non materialistic and more for others than for myself.

I pray and hope for the best for my family and friends. I pray they are happy, healthy and know the difference between what is important and what is not. I pray for the homeless and the really poor that come into my store and just a kind word to them can make them cry; I pray they get more kind words every day and that people stop and look at them and realize they are humans with feelings, just as you and I are.

I am also thankful for all the hopes that I have had that have already come to be. Such as my mother and I are friends and close again. I am employed and I just got my new job which starts Monday!!! Yeah! I am meeting new friends in this big huge town that I live in and so are my kids and they are not our old friends but that doesn't mean they are not wonderful friends, they are just new. I am so thankful that I got to spend the day with my favorite grandniece and she was a joy to be with. Those sweet baby hugs, the way she smelled of maple syrup and the excitement in her eyes whenever I would peek at her during peek a boo. I am also so very thankful for the peace and calm that my children and I have been experiencing the last few days even though they are a little behind in their lessons and usually get very antsy. I am also grateful for the 4 hours over time I got yesterday. That might pay the water bill! Thank you God for all the wonderful riches you bring my way and for the way that you have brought me to you and allowed me to leave my problems at your door, knowing you will take care of them for me and I can just breath and pray and enjoy.

Rush Rush Rush

Terribly excited that I got the new job, today they called and said I have to meet with the General Manager before I start. Just a formality! Still little scary. Have to rush to get ready for old job, rush to the bank before work, and rush an make car insurance payment before they close my car insurance out. God please help me stay calm and focused on what needs to be done. Help me breath and relax. Bless this day for me! And bless my mother who is doing me a tremendous favor by getting my kids birth certificates that I lost and mailing them to me. She is a life saver!

I Got IT!!!!!

I got the job! I got the job! I got the job! Man I just don't get tired of saying that. I got the job! I start on Monday, already gave notice at my old job. Last day is Sunday. Funny thing is, I didn't think I would miss the old job but now I realize I will. I met a lot of people that with just a few kind words I made a difference in there day, even if for only a moment. I also met a few people that changed my way of thinking and made deep impressions on me. I will definitely miss the people I was working with. They are some of the best darn co-workers anyone could ask for. But hey, I got the job!!!!!!!

At least if I can't sleep I can get some interesting thoughts!

My days off are Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Don't know how I got so lucky. Course I really could use the 40 hours a week but I don't complain because there is so much to do on these days off that I am exhausted and ready to go back to work when the time comes.

Thursday was a busy day, running errands such as grocery shopping, driving clear across town to our pharmacist to get our prescriptions (he is so worth it, he is great at his job and he actually cares about people), spending time with my kids and we actually got to eat out cheap at the Sunset buffet. Jess was able to meet us there so we had a really nice time being a complete family for dinner for a change and no one had to cook or do dishes!!!!

On Thursday, my nephew called and asked if I could watch my niece Emily. She is one year and one month old. I hadn't seen her in a month so was more than willing even though we had lots to do. Some things we could accomplish with her here, like paying bills, going to the bank, and pulling all the weeds from the front yard. Somethings like getting the girls caught up on school would have to wait until Saturday but hey, time with Emily. More than worth it.

We did have a great day with her. She is cute, speaks in 2 languages and is always on the go. Course when her parents got off work and came and got her 10 hours later they hung out for another 3 hours and we spent some quality time talking and laughing. I really love spending time with my nephew, his wife and his adorable daughter. By the time they left I was exhausted. I went to bed to get caught up on all the shows I have recorded in the last two weeks and haven't had time to watch. Course Steve came home from his poker tournament a soon as I did that so I didn't get to watch them. We don't agree on the same shows to often. I love Law and Order and SVU, he hates them. I love ER and Grey's Anatomy, again he hates them. I love Primetime, 20-20 and Dateline. He hates those too. I love Ugly Betty, again he hates it. So I have been trying for 2 weeks to get caught up but haven't. I should be watching them right now but as I was smoking outside I was reading a novel and came upon this verse from the bible.

My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life. Psalm 119:50.

This is exactly what I needed to read at the exact time I needed it. When I feel like I can't hold on anymore these words tell me that God promises that I can. God is amazing. I thank him for all the good and the bad in my life. I know that he has a plan for me and that even in the bad I am learning a lesson, even if it is just the lesson that I can make it through anything. I am a survivor. So Lord, I praise you for all your lessons the good, the bad and the ugly. For I know that each brings me closer to you if I let them and I come out of each stronger and more positive that life is good, you just have to make the choice to make it good. That is something I never use to understand and thought people were idiots for thinking that. Now I know the truth. What an awesome truth.

Now since I got called in to work on my last day off I think I will try and get a couple more hours of sleep and be thankful for the extra money that will be in my next check because God does provide when you need it.

Today's a new day!

Every day is a new day of course but today I am trying to remind myself of this as my husband is being a downer. He is in the dumps because of his job. I just want to enjoy my day off and be happy. Happy to be with my kids, my dog, and my husband, even if he is a grump! Please Lord help me to help him smile and see the light instead of the dark. And while I am asking please bless Hindu, the repeat customer I have at work that is homeless and swears that I am his angel because I was kind enough to tell him that I would pray for him every day. Help Hindu find a way out of his vicious destructive life and find peace in his old age. Amen!

Some weird but important thoughts.

Today while I was at work, taking out the trash I thought about what would I do if I got jumped by someone. I work in a bad neighborhood. Young woman just got all busted up because she was waiting for the bus when 2 young men came up and told her she was fine, they wanted her number. She refused. They beat her senseless and broke her arm.

I am always prepared and always thinking a head about what I would do if a bad situation occurred. At work I keep a utility knife open and in quick reach if I am attacked. In my car I have a tire thumper. At home I have a gun right by my bed and know what is in reach so that I can have a weapon available. When walking in bad neighborhoods or at night I keep my key between my fingers just in case I need to hurt someone to get away.

I just realized recently that I have done this sort of thinking my whole life. Today I realized that there are 2 kinds of people in this world, victims and survivors. You don't have to stay a victim your whole life, you can become a survivor. Just like a survivor can become a victim. I chose to be the survivor. Don't take unnecessary risks, be prepared and always know what is going on around me. I once was a victim, for many years but no more! I am strong, I can think, hear me roar!

What do you do when your child is having nightmares about dying?

I am freaking out. My baby, who is 10, and hates to be called the baby is having these reoccuring dreams almost every night. It's freaking me out. She dreams she is dying, sometimes twice a night. We have talked, prayed, talked some more and she still has them. What does a momma do when her young'un is scared to go to sleep because she is afraid of dying one more time???????

Someone suggested a dream catcher and this week I am going to get one. She has no objections as long as it has no real fur on it, like the one we gave to her Grandma. I pray it will work. Otherwise I need more ideas! Soon, since the kid isn't sleeping because she wants to avoid the dream!

Being Grateful

Today I am feeling gratitude more than usual so I thought I would take a minute to say a few words about what I am grateful for.
1) My generous kind husband that turned 52 today and the fact that after 16 years of marriage we are still a loving couple that works to keep our marriage alive, in love, and joyful.
2) My four wonderful kids, each with their own personality, generosity, and baggage (cause who would we be without baggage?)
3) That I have a loving mother and our relationship is just getting better and better and she no longer feels childless and I no longer feel like an orphan.
4) A mother-in-law that I love and it's easy to be kind to her.
5). My loyal and loving bff, my dog King. He's my go to when I am feeling down or lonely, he's there when I am happy and joyful, and he is there when I or my children need to be protected. He's a great dog!
6) In these tough economic times, I have a family that pulls together and we still have a roof over our heads, the lights are still on and the cable rarely gets shut off.
7) I have not one but two cars to drive, I don't have to depend on my feet or the bus. It will be really great when the one car is paid off but until it is, I am grateful for whenever I get the payment made.
8). Opportunities to improve our life. Though they take pursuing to no end and they aren't guaranteed, they are there and we just need to reach out and grab them.
9) My wonderful friends. Some from the very distant past, like Diana, some from the more recent past, like Amy and Donna, and some very new ones, like Theresa who is a very awesome person.
10) Not last but most import, a loving God that helps us learn lessons along the way, some joyful and others full of pain but all have some kind of lesson. Some you don't understand right away, others you won't understand until your gone but knowing that he is a loving and kind God makes everything worth while.

Happy Birthday to My Gorgeous Husband!

We have been married 16 years as of March 7th of this year and this is one of the first times I have seen him in a suit. He is adorable. He's now 52. He just now realizes that he is a gorgeous man. He can finally see himself from my eyes. Thank you God! Even without his beard the man is a knockout!!! Happy Birthday Baby! I love you!

Learn to enjoy what you have when you have it.

For those of you who know me, you know that when I owned my own business I did nothing but complain, scream, carry around a ton of anger and resist having the business. I never wanted my own business and my husband started it without my blessing, which made me mad as hell. Took a long time to get over it.

Now the business is gone. I miss the hell out of it. Not the worries of owning the business, not the being on call 24/7, not even being my own boss (which to be honest was one of the best things about it).

What I miss is dropping my kids off at school, going home and working until they were out of school, being able to pick them up from school and then going home to work until the work was done for the day. Even though I was working I was always there for my kids. Emergency at school I was there. They were sick, no big deal for them to stay home I was at home working anyway. School event, doctor's appointment or anything else that came up, so what! I was the boss and set my hours so I never missed anything the kids had going on.

Now, (know that I am very grateful) I am working outside the home. I can't be there for the kids all the time like I was. I had taken them out of school and public schooled them from home when I was working at home. They are still public schooled from home but I am gone all afternoon and evening. I can't be there for every little thing like I use to. They are miserable and so am I.

I miss my kids! I miss my dog! I miss my mother-in-law. I miss working in my pj's. But I really miss being there for my kids all the time, every day and I wish I would have appreciated that more when I had it.

God bless all the working moms' in the world. We know we have to go and bring home the money but it sucks leaving the ones we are making the money for behind. But at least now I thoroughly enjoy and am thankful for every second I get with them.

Please pray for me!!!!

I applied for a great job yesterday! I really want this job. So universe, I am sending it out to you, please send it back with a "Your the one we want working for us!" I am on my day off so have tons of school work to get caught up on with the girls. Course they are not cooperating so I don't think I am going to get far with them. It will be a tough lesson for them to learn, if you don't do your work you get zeros and your grades go from A's to something a lot less desirable. However the sooner they learn it the better I guess.

Little human kindness goes a long ways!

I work in a highly populated homeless area. Every day I go to work thanking God that I have a home, a job and a family that loves me. I meet people every day that are alone, cold, have no money and no home and more importantly, no hope. A few kind words or the offer to say a pray for these people, lights up their face and instantly they few human again. All that from one simple phrase of kindness. I wish more people were kind to those less fortunate and appreciate what they have in their lives.

People say I have way to much fun at work!

Almost every time I am at work I hear at least one person say that I am having entirely to much fun to be working. My response to them, " I only make $8/hour so at least one of the benefits of my job should be that I can have fun.

I work with a few amazing people. All very different in style, personality, looks and age. However, they know how to have fun and get their work done! They believe in sharing the load and "giter done!" attitude. I know I need to look for better paying work, but I don't really want to leave the job I have just because of a couple of really awesome people that make going to work, fun!

Work!

I forgot what working out of the house was like. I know I complained a lot when I had my home office and worked 15 to 20 hours a day but now I kinda miss it. But don't tell anyone that! I would never hear the end of it.

Well I have been a working girl since Feb. 9th. I go to work at 2 pm and get off at 10 pm. I am just a lowly cashier at a convenience store but oh well, I get paid. Just think half my life ago, I was the manager of a convenience store and now I am just the cashier. Funny how things turn around. Actually I don't think of my job as a lowly job. I know I qualify for better work, better pay and a better neighborhood to work in but I am thankful I got the job. With so many out there with no income, I at least have some income. I only work 32 hours a week and for now, that will have to do. Frankly my body isn't use to standing for 8 hours a day, its use to sitting it's but in a desk. I really enjoy seeing customers in person and seeing faces over and over. Most of our clientele are homeless or one step from being homeless.

This in its self has taught me an awesome lesson. People can be totally beaten down in life. Think there is no good left and all it takes for them to feel a tiny bit better is a smiling face and someone to say, "stay safe out there!" You would think I had just handed them a million dollars. One man named Hindu, started to cry when I told him I would pray for him every day. He says I am his angel. It does a heart good to cause someone to smile or feel better even if only for a second.

My life is like Nascar!

We went to Nascar on Saturday. Not something that is my thing but was cool. Thanks Terry and Bozo for inviting us to go! I have decided that my life is like the races. Right now I am trying to get everything done before I have to be at work. My pants are in the washing machine and need to be dry by 1:30. I have no idea if I will cross the finish line with dry pants or not!

Then it's off to work, which while not my ideal job is rather fun. The people I work with make up for the lack of pay. They are funny and kind and they all feel the need to feed me! How strange, since I am not under weight.

I work 2 to 10, which is taking awhile to adjust to. Not only for me but for the kids and Grandma. We miss our days together. We live for my days off, which are Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Great days to have off! Course they are subject to change without notice.

Tomorrow, even though I have worked for 3 weeks, I have to attend orientation. How backwards is that. I get to learn all the things I should have learned before I went to work. Maybe that means I will already know everything????

Well I have to scoot to get ready for work. Man I hope my pants are dry.

An amazing piece of poetry!

February is a painful month for me and some of my closest friends. I lost my dad Feb. 11th in 2004. He was buried on Valentine's Day. My grandfather died on Thanksgiving but his birthday is in Feb. and I am so sad because his widow, my grandmother is still alive and their birthdays are a week apart. I am thankful she has alzheimers and seems to forget more than remember. But this in itself is also sad. My bff lost her daughter who was only 9.5 years old in Feb. three years ago. Steve's bff just lost his daughter on Valentine's Day this year. Feb. seems to be filled with sorrow, grief and memories.

I read the following at the beginning of Feb before all the memories and grief started. I found it profound and stirring. I forgot about it until a few days later when the memories and Gary's daughter was put on life support. I dug through the Readers Digest where I found it and wrote it in my journal and now I will put it here.

Even in sleep, pain which we cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will comes wisdom through the awful grace of God. By Aeschylus.

The Law of Attraction Really Works!

Life has been throwing us monkey wrenches and curve balls for years but lately we seem to be continually ducking. However, the difference is that we are keeping our heads out of our butts and staying positive.
Life is so much better when you stay positive, think reassuring thoughts. Keep your calm and stay at peace. I have been sending it out to the universe that I want to met great people. I have! I have been sending out to the universe that I need money. I've received it from great people. I have sent it out that we be provided with a little excitement and we have gotten it in the form of free Nascar tickets! Yes the law of attraction does work!

So much to say, so little time!

Yes I got the job. It's not the greatest job but it is a paying job. It also makes me stand on my feet 8 hours a day, moving so I am gaining muscles and losing weight and getting paid! Like I said, it's not the greatest but it has it's benefits. Like, knowing someone finally thought I was a good enough person to take the chance and hire! Helped my spirits lift instantly!

I started on Monday the 9th and worked the 10th and 11th. The 11th of Feb. is not usually a great day for me, as my father passed away Feb. 11, 2004. Five years without him, seems weird still. I miss him, even though he was grouchy and wasn't a present dad in my life. I still miss him. However, last year on the 11th of Feb. I was very present for the birth of my niece, Emily and now I have something really great to think of on this day. She turned one! I didn't get to see her because I was at work but I did speak with her on the phone. She has got yah down really good!

Steve is at a job interview right now and he has another interview the 17th. Both jobs he would take in a heart beat but the one on the 17th is almost to good to be true and they really are interested in him. So if your following along, please pray for him that he gets it. He has been so depressed especially me going off to work and him staying home, not providing for his family. I tell him he is nuts, he has provided for almost 16 years and he will again as soon as God finds him the perfect job. Or a job. In today's economy, a job is a job!

Everyone is having a hard time adjusting to me being away from home from 2pm to 10pm. The kids miss me terribly since we have never been apart for more than just the school day and a few vacations I took without them. (Those are really called, saving mom's sanity trips!) We are all adjusting. The benefit is I get way more hugs now and when we are together they really pay attention to me! Maybe change isn't a horrible thing.