An amazing piece of poetry!

February is a painful month for me and some of my closest friends. I lost my dad Feb. 11th in 2004. He was buried on Valentine's Day. My grandfather died on Thanksgiving but his birthday is in Feb. and I am so sad because his widow, my grandmother is still alive and their birthdays are a week apart. I am thankful she has alzheimers and seems to forget more than remember. But this in itself is also sad. My bff lost her daughter who was only 9.5 years old in Feb. three years ago. Steve's bff just lost his daughter on Valentine's Day this year. Feb. seems to be filled with sorrow, grief and memories.

I read the following at the beginning of Feb before all the memories and grief started. I found it profound and stirring. I forgot about it until a few days later when the memories and Gary's daughter was put on life support. I dug through the Readers Digest where I found it and wrote it in my journal and now I will put it here.

Even in sleep, pain which we cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will comes wisdom through the awful grace of God. By Aeschylus.

The Law of Attraction Really Works!

Life has been throwing us monkey wrenches and curve balls for years but lately we seem to be continually ducking. However, the difference is that we are keeping our heads out of our butts and staying positive.
Life is so much better when you stay positive, think reassuring thoughts. Keep your calm and stay at peace. I have been sending it out to the universe that I want to met great people. I have! I have been sending out to the universe that I need money. I've received it from great people. I have sent it out that we be provided with a little excitement and we have gotten it in the form of free Nascar tickets! Yes the law of attraction does work!

So much to say, so little time!

Yes I got the job. It's not the greatest job but it is a paying job. It also makes me stand on my feet 8 hours a day, moving so I am gaining muscles and losing weight and getting paid! Like I said, it's not the greatest but it has it's benefits. Like, knowing someone finally thought I was a good enough person to take the chance and hire! Helped my spirits lift instantly!

I started on Monday the 9th and worked the 10th and 11th. The 11th of Feb. is not usually a great day for me, as my father passed away Feb. 11, 2004. Five years without him, seems weird still. I miss him, even though he was grouchy and wasn't a present dad in my life. I still miss him. However, last year on the 11th of Feb. I was very present for the birth of my niece, Emily and now I have something really great to think of on this day. She turned one! I didn't get to see her because I was at work but I did speak with her on the phone. She has got yah down really good!

Steve is at a job interview right now and he has another interview the 17th. Both jobs he would take in a heart beat but the one on the 17th is almost to good to be true and they really are interested in him. So if your following along, please pray for him that he gets it. He has been so depressed especially me going off to work and him staying home, not providing for his family. I tell him he is nuts, he has provided for almost 16 years and he will again as soon as God finds him the perfect job. Or a job. In today's economy, a job is a job!

Everyone is having a hard time adjusting to me being away from home from 2pm to 10pm. The kids miss me terribly since we have never been apart for more than just the school day and a few vacations I took without them. (Those are really called, saving mom's sanity trips!) We are all adjusting. The benefit is I get way more hugs now and when we are together they really pay attention to me! Maybe change isn't a horrible thing.

Finally!

I have started this blog about three times now. Every time I get really depressed I erase it and my myspace page. I am not going to get a myspace page for now. I just want to see if I can keep myself from wanting to eliminate me from blogger.

I have been looking for work ever since our business died a slow painful death due to the economy. It's been several years since I have looked for work, at least seriously. Now I have been looking for a little over 3 months. I guess I need to learn that God does provide on his time table and not mine. Why is it that our time tables are always different? I suppose that is one of those questions that I will just have to wait to find out the answer since I am no where near ready to join him in Heaven. Unless of course, he thinks it is my time! :)

BTW the finally was because I finally got an interview for a job. I don't even care that it is not really what I am looking for. I will take it if they see fit to hire me!